A User's Guide to FENRIR GREYBACK
by Samiferal
Summary: Congratulations, you are now the proud owner of a FENRIR GREYBACK! When all else fails, you have to read the instructions - this little handbook tells you everything you need to know. Plus the package includes a free plushie. Unecht  series part 3.


**Congratulations, you are now the proud owner of a FENRIR GREYBACK!**

**Thanks for choosing an Unecht® product.**

Your new FENRIR GREYBACK will be a loyal companion to you, and he will help you in every possible situation of your day-to-day life. Never be bored again with the amazing new FENRIR GREYBACK!

What your new FENRIR GREYBACK will do for you:

1. Eliminate people you don't like (don't trifle with this feature!)

2. Cuddlecuddlecuddle you

3. Give you a pep talk (because his life is so much worse than yours. Stop whining.)

4. Cuddlecuddlecuddle you even more

5. Help you earn money

6. Help you earn money illegally

7. Be a very effective bodyguard

8. Teach you how to scare people

9. Help you understand the universe.

10. Do your homework for you

11. Lend you a wand when you need one and teach you some magic

12 Watch TV with you (curled up by your side on the sofa on a warm full moon night…)

****Your FENRIR GREYBACK can learn a number of new activities and phrases. You can create your own individual FENRIR GREYBACK by teaching him special, unique abilities such as being modest, not trying to eat young girls, or even shaving.****

Your FENRIR GREYBACK package includes the following extras:

1. A razor

2. A _lot_ of Wolfsbane Potion and an easy recipe to make some more.

NB: Please don't think you're hardcore enough not to use this potion. You will regret it.

3. A Hermione Granger plushie

4. A stick-on Dark Mark tattoo (because your FENRIR GREYBACK is not allowed to have a real one. The poor thing.)

5. A dog basket with pink heart-shaped pillows

6. A book on how to make friends

First Steps

Your FENRIR GREYBACK will come in a special cardboard box. Once he is unwrapped, all functions will be activated automatically, and you do not have to do anything further.

**Important: If this package is delivered on a full moon day, immediately give your FENRIR GREYBACK some of the included Wolfsbane Potion. If you don't know when the next full moon will be, you better find out.**

FENRIR GREYBACK will react to almost every possible spoken command. Begin by telling him a fixed time to go to bed and to get up, otherwise he will simply not sleep. Also inform your new friend about your work or school times.

Now, you can start teaching your FENRIR GREYBACK new abilities. If you tell your FENRIR GREYBACK to remember something, he will immediately do so. This works for phrases and words as well as physical abilities. However we recommend that your FENRIR GREYBACK should be taught some interpersonal skills first, because apparently nobody likes him. Try to first establish a stable relationship with him through lots of cuddling before you make him try to bond with others.

FENRIR GREYBACK does not eat like you do; he will probably want a little more meat in his diet. We suggest you let him handle his food himself and don't interfere.

Full Moon

Contrary to popular belief, a full moon night with your FENRIR GREYBACK can actually be quite enjoyable.

It is important that neither of you forget about the Wolfsbane Potion - otherwise you really will regret that. If you give your FENRIR GREYBACK enough potion, you can look forward to a cuddly night on the couch with your favourite friend. Watching "Dances with Wolves".

If you suddenly realise that you have forgotten the potion - find a bunker.

FAQ

Q: "A Hermione plushie? That's sick."

A: But it's canon.

Q: "But I thought Fenrir Greyback was evil!"

A: Well, you were wrong. He's a actually a big cuddly softie. He only had a difficult childhood. Or something.

Q: "I'm getting the feeling that this model is really just a big emo?"

A: With the Dark Mark, his self-esteem should be quite alright. Just don't tell him it's a just a stick-on tattoo.

Q: "Is my FENRIR GREYBACK able to make friends and socialise with other Unecht® products?"

A: All Unecht® products can interact with each other without further programming. However, they will not all like each other. Especially the FENRIR GREYBACK model is generally disliked by everyone else. You should consult our online customer service when planning to purchase another product.

Q: "I thought Wolfsbane Potion was really complicated and hard to make?"

A: In that case we recommend that you find Severus Snape before the included prepared potion is used up. Oh, wait. He's dead. Well, then you better learn how to make it yourself.


End file.
